No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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