It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
