Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
