yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
