I wish my penis had an off switch
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
