1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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