Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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