every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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