i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
