I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
