dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
