Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
