some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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