This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
