Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
