Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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