Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
