I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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