I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
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she smelled like a LAN party
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now