Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"