I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You dont lie about slip and slides
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He better not be in your backpack
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic