Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
