I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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