Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
