Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
