rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
