I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
