your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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