I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
