Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
