Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
