I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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