Betty ford says i'm here all night
he thought i was a dude.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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