Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
