I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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