I'm lost and stupid without you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
