You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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