You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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