YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
