No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
