Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
