I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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