see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
