so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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