Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
