On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
