I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
