i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
