When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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