sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
