end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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