My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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