you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
These tits shall not be calmed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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