my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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