so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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