she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
