the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
