You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
