then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
